Entered detox & rehab on 02.21.2017
Sober 3 months. Started drinking again.
Cold turkey, February 4, 2018

“It’s like I’ve always chosen Door #1 each and every time, and kept winning a damned toaster oven, when meanwhile a shiny brand new car has always been waiting for me behind Door #2.”
– Shawn (that’s me)

A stumbling, fumbling journey of recovery from 4 litres of wine a day for twenty years
to kick ass, alcohol-free sobriety (and all the speed bumps in between)

“Drunkenness is temporary suicide.”
– Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness

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29 comments

      1. Hey man I’m only a blog away … you’re a great writer and I learned we are even better when we’re sober. The disease has its illusions. My favorite singer/musician Gregg Allman discovered after 30 years plus that he sang better sober. He thought drinking Brandy made him sound better until he stopped drinking was even scared if he stopped he’d be no good…
        My email mikeyznsacto@gmail.com (let’s make it a keyboard away)

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Huge props for taking the first step and recognizing there is a change in your life you want to make. Yes, you’re right. It won’t be easy. There will be bumps along the way. But, even though you may not see it now, know there is life on the other side.One step at a time brother. You don’t have to devour the elephant all in one sitting. Peace. Rb

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey, thanks for the follow !
    I read two of your blogs and was struck by your thoughtfulness about your process of drinking and getting sober, all good yet you need to relax. This is a life time practice, one you do, one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time.
    My blog is not generally about recovery yet it is about our spiritual/emotional process of everyday living…

    I wish you the best at Rehab, and your continued process in recovery… I am here for you and look forward the journey with you.

    Jeff

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I am blown away by the support I’ve found in this community online. I truly had no anticipation of it – just wanted to write to get my thoughts out…then I started finding other people’s blogs, talking about their journeys and struggles – and the incredible support everyone offers each other. #FaithInHumanityRestored. It’s helping me SO much already and I’m just starting out on this journey. Thanks so much for being one of those people xo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes! I experienced the exact same thing. Just thought I would be able to get some junk out of my head and have been so surprised at the connection and support. I’m glad you are feeling the support. I’ve been in recovery for a long time so am happy to help if I can. I’m not a traditional 12 step person so can’t offer much that way. I also live with chronic pain, so recovery has a slightly different meaning for me. I still have to take the meds that almost killed me. Glad to be part of #FaithInHumanityRestored 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I appreciate that, thank you 🙂 So happy to hear you’re on the mend! I haven’t done a 12 Step program, and where I’m going doesn’t adhere to one (they implement many of the steps in a certain way, though). It’s all so new to me.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. It doesn’t matter how you do it, just that you do it. My best advice is to address the mental health issues at the same time. And if you’re going to inpatient be sure to have a solid plan for when you are done. That was the hardest part for me. The day I left inpatient… Stay strong! I’m cheering for you ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      4. That’s exactly what I’m being told and hearing a lot. Aftercare. Aftercare. AFTERCARE. They supposedly set me up quite well to head home and start a new life – there’s 4 modules to the program and we have to have an entire support network built in module 3 (professionals, family, meetings, doctors) before we can progress to module 4 (the final chapter LOL). There’s a great schedule that keeps us busy all day, including multiple individual therapy sessions, group therapy, spiritual activities (yoga and meditation), art and music therapy, exercise, etc. It’s looking really well balanced (so far!) Thanks so much for taking the time to cheer me on 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks for the “follow” here on WordPress. It allowed me to read some of your writing and view some of your incredible photographs. I’ve already gotten a great deal from your posts, and I hope in some small way you have or will have gotten something of value from my posts as well.

    From what I’ve read, you have some big challenges ahead of you shortly. I will be praying for you. Keep posting. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. “Oh Canada…” We lived in Canada until my oldest son graduated high school (5 yrs. after my husband died). In those days, it seemed that “everyone” drank – a lot. Maybe it was just the hockey parents, I dunno.

    Anyway, as a depressed widow, I didn’t have time to over-consume, I had to be strong and sober to raise my sons. Now, many years later, after one of my sons died from pancreatic cancer at a young age, leaving behind a 2 yr. & 4 yr. old children, and loving wife, I am struggling everyday.

    The first year after Mike’s death, I submerged myself into projects. I was busy, busy, busy. That helped. But now, as I approach the 2nd anniversary of Mike’s death, I realize that this year has been filled with more “self-medicating” alcohol. Now, I have begun my journey back to life.

    For me, I try to make small goals for myself each day, to accomplish something, to put a check mark next to a goal I had set. Most of all, I have to remind myself that my life is important to the people who love me.

    Remember, addiction is an actual disease. This has been scientifically proven. So, those of us with “the gene” have to somehow remember that we are not weak, we are pre-programmed and we have to fight, with every ounce of courage within, to fight this. Be aware of the “triggers” and be prepared with a detour plan.

    I wish you the absolute best in your recovery. You can do it! You made the first step, and more. Sending love and spiritual strength. ~Mike’s Mom

    Like

  5. Hello my new friend.
    I really enjoy reading your thoughts every day. Well been only a few days but looking forward to reading more. I wish you all the best in your journey of recovery and know that I am on the path with you. I am being mindful too. Every day is a new chance to make a choice for our lives. Why not make the “right” one. Whatever that means for each of us. Rock on Buddy!
    Yvonne

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Just found your blog via the Recovery Elevator group…thanks for sharing all of these thoughts, I find them very relate-able! Things like this are becoming instrumental in maintaining my sobriety.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I am so very glad I found this blog through the 30 Day Alcohol Experiment. I feel as if I’m reading my own thoughts when I read yours, and it is reinforcing me in my belief that “enough is enough” and it’s time to stop drinking. Not to think about stopping, and not to plan on stopping, but just to STOP. This is so very wonderful to have found such an amazing resource that crystallizes my own thoughts and puts them onto a screen, it’s almost as if you’ve jumped into my own head. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

    Like

  8. Day 79 for me and an upcoming trip to ‘Vegas, Baby!”. (dreading) I am halfway through your trip to NOLA and it’s giving me some tools to use. I’m still scared of ‘her’ coming out again. Her voice is not loud now but in Vegas???? The last time I was in Vegas a few years ago I was the drunkest I have ever been. Before or since. My first ‘scare’. My last ‘scare’ was Jan 2. First blackout since Vegas. What?? Am I right back to square one? I found Annie. Annie Grace. Her course saved me. And now I’ve found you to help me through Vegas. Help me through Vegas……

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, you will crush it in Vegas! I didn’t write much about the last 2 days of my trip to NOLA (though they were spent sober and celebrating!). I was SO TERRIFIED leading up to my trip – and it was my mind playing mind games on me. In all honesty – I think it was easier to stay sober in New Orleans, than to stay sober at home, where my daily triggers and routines and habits are/were. It also helped that on my first day in NOLA I was surrounded by very very drunk people – all the motivation I needed to want to NOT BE THEM (old me would’ve drank them all under the table…then ended up under the table, too!). I wrote a short synopsis of some of my tools (?) / strategy / whatever for being on vacation and staying sober: https://lifeindetox.com/2018/03/20/how-i-survived-being-sober-in-new-orleans/

      I hope it helps!! And please keep me posted on your trip to Vegas! Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally before you go. Make a DECISION as to where your boundaries are BEFORE YOU LEAVE for your trip. You can do it! If I can, anyone can!!

      Like

  9. OH CANADA!!
    Hi Shawn!

    Please know YOU are not alone in the “FIGHT” and I am blessed and grateful you found and followed my Recovery Starts Here blog … Please visit anytime as I do try to blog each week. My “Drug of Choice” was gambling addiction with a dash of alcohol abuse toward the end before my first suicide attempt and from the hospital to a treatment crisis center for 21 days.So I know how hard early recovery can be.

    Now 11years, one month, and 27 days maintaining recovery, I can tell you that you will reach Peace and Serenity in long-term sobriety if you fight for it and do the work needed to get there. Even the “inner work” that needs to be done and processing any underlying issues holding you back.

    YES, it is uncomfortable to do but necessary to live a well-balanced happy life in recovery. “We will be “works in progress” as we evolve within our sobriety, but the time you have? The easier it gets. We both know addiction is addiction no matter the TYPE, it really is about how to get off and interrupt “the cycle” and gain better habits and behaviors and away from the negative ones we kept using. Shed those feelings of “entitlement” as well? And you’ll be on your way to the “Freedom” from the Bondage of Addiction! Just a wee bit of “Wisdom” I have gained through my own journey.

    You hang in there, and “Live In The NOW as your PAST does not Define who you are maintaining Recovery!”

    I’d be happy to send you my E-book of my Memoir I wrote after I gained about 3years in recovery. I do share those feelings of “entitlement” and being a “victim” giving me the excuse to be an addict and my underlying issues and WHY i turned to addiction. My past came back to haunt me from childhood sexual trauma and abuse and I used gambling and alcohol to “numb out, escape and hide the pain that was raging inside me.SO I know what you’re going through.

    Love & Light,
    Author/Advocate, Catherine Townsend-Lyon XO 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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