We sat across the living room from each other and I could hear the words leaving my mouth, as usual, feeling nothing.
“I don’t want to die young. At this rate, I won’t make it 10 more years.”
And there it was.
Admitting that I want to fight. Acknowledging that my fear of change is not bigger than my fear of the consequences of not changing.
To look ahead and want better. To want more time and more chances to experience life. That is what hope is, and in my numbness, it surprised me. A glimmer of feeling something.
Addiction extinguishes the flame inside you. The one that sometimes burns brightly, and fuels everything of value: passion, creativity, drive, hope. I felt as though the fire inside me went out so long ago that all of those things went with it.
That’s really all you need. To make the decision that you are willing to fight.
To reignite the flame with your own self worth and give yourself the gift of as many days as possible.
I refuse to die young.